Dear Ms. Lonergan,
As you know, I loved Castilleja deeply. During my time there, when the school made decisions I did not agree with - lest we forget, the decision to cut the Peer Advisor Program, the decision to cut the Latin program - I did not, primarily, take offense at not being asked my opinion in the matter. Yes, it hurt me that the school could, without warning, decide to 'make vanish' - to eliminate, kill, however you want to put it - some of the things that made me love it so much. What truly hurt me, however, was the disillusionment that each episode gradually planted in me. To remove the dearly beloved programs that had inspired and shaped me felt like a betrayal - a sort of "just kidding" tossed out as meager compensation for all the energy, devotion, and work they had taken from each individual.
I recognize the difficulty of running a school like Castilleja - a school that is so often, and so passionately, beloved by her graduates. One of the great things about Castilleja, indeed, is that each student makes it her own. Therefore, we become selfish alumnae. Of course we don't want to see our image or memory of 'our' Castilleja changed. There aren't bells any more? Juniors can sleep in? But ultimately, these are not the things we remember - at least consciously - of our time at our wonderful high school alma mater. As cliche as it sounds, what we remember - by continuing to abide by them in our lives from the moment we step off the circle - is the values Castilleja instilled in us. I refer, of course, to the five Cs.
As the recipient of the 2009 Castilleja Award, which you presented to me last year, I feel obliged to tell you that I have lost my sense of belonging to the school that was my home for six years - a third - of my life and which planted in me the qualities I so admire in the individuals who shaped me in the classrooms, soccer fields, music rooms, cafeteria, circle, and stage of its square block.
As I was brushing my teeth this evening (it was the third time that afternoon - for some reason, I had had an awful taste in my mouth for the whole night), I had a realization. In its most recent decision, Castilleja has given me its final gift: a sixth C to trump them all. Cynicism.
I realized this evening that I have now lost my faith in - or at least have now lost any reason to have faith in - anything I believe to be good. I sincerely mean this. When a thing that I loved so dearly - and, presumably, that loved me back in return for being what it wanted, expected, required, and raised me to be - violates my trust by rejecting the tenets that it told me to embody, I lose trust in that thing and, consequently, in myself. If I suddenly find the thing I thought to be purely good - which is not to say it never made mistakes, but that despite this mistakes it meant well, that it was still on the right side - acting against good, I am lost. If I can believe in something that I know is right with all my heart, and fight to preserve it with the conviction that I will succeed because love and justice is on my side, only to witness my efforts and trust come to naught, I am lost. What is left when I realize - or am forced to realize - that life doesn't always turn out the way it should?
But I am being selfish. I recognize my position: I am an alumna. My Castilleja is gone. But what about the Castilleja that its current students and faculty are still inhabiting? Where does their trust in good - in their school - go?
Tonight, you killed my optimism and belief in the power of good. I had already begun to realize by the end of my time at Castilleja that just because I believe - and know - that something is right doesn't mean it won't be crushed by wrong - but more powerful - forces. But I learned something new tonight. Tonight, I lost any reason to believe that what appears to be right and true - namely, Castilleja - actually is.
But I have to believe in the world. I have to believe in good. I cannot lose hope: Therefore, I have to lose Castilleja.
As I said at the beginning of this letter, I loved this school. I loved it so much, Ms. Lonergan. I cried every single night of the last two weeks of my senior year. But now I have to leave it. If Castilleja has decided to disown the values it taught me and claims to still represent, I have to disown it. If Castilleja no longer obeys the principles of courtesy, character, conscience, charity, and courage, I cannot obey it. I can no longer be Castilleja Award winner of my class; I no longer understand what it - and what receiving it - means.
In the end, I have to believe in the world and in myself, and, most importantly, in the people who made me believe in right and goodness. Therefore, I can no longer be a part of the new Castilleja. I do not know if you can understand how profoundly this hurts me, but I honestly do not see any other option. To call myself a proud alumna of the Castilleja Class of 2009 would violate my conscience. Therefore, I would now like to return the Castilleja Award you gave me earlier this year in June. I am so, so sorry to separate myself from this community, but I do not see any other choice if I want to continue finding reason to believe in good.
Sincerely,
Xanthia Tucker
Dear Members of the Castilleja School Board of Trustees:
I am hereby removing my painting, Birds of the Stanford Foothills, from its position outside Joan Lonergan's office, where it has been on long-term loan to Castilleja School since appearing in the Alumnae Art show in 2008.
I do this as a symbol of the damage to the Castilleja arts program at that has been done by the dismissal of Bear Capron.
I do this to express my vehement disagreement with this decision: Bear Capron was one of the best, most inspirational teachers at Castilleja, and his removal from campus can only do harm to the students and the reputation of the school. I was one of many shy students who flowered onstage thanks to his amazing energy and skilled direction, and as one of his advisees I was kept afloat through my most challenging years at Castilleja by his positive spirit. In recent years, I have been particularly impressed by Castilleja's increasingly sophisticated, challenging dramatic performances under Mr. Capron's aegis, and I strongly oppose any change in the overall direction of the dramatic arts.
I do this to make clear my disappointment and shock at the closed, secretive way in which Mr. Capron's dismissal was carried out. The lack of information (or even basic acknowledgement that our concerns were being heard) given to the students, faculty, alumnae, and community--for six weeks!--was truly appalling and disheartening. The damage done to faculty morale, students' free speech, alumnae relations with the school, and the ability of the school to attract and retain excellent teachers may be irreparable.
I do this to emphasize that "good faith discussions" over "pedagogical differences" with a teacher--especially one with 20-years' devotion to Castilleja--should never result in the sudden, unexplained removal of that teacher from the school in the middle of classes and ongoing productions. Furthermore, the decision to terminate one of the school's faculty members should at least be given enough thought that the name of the school itself is spelled correctly in the official statement provided to the community.
Clearly, this incident shows that Castilleja has strayed from its mission of providing the best possible education for its students, and that it has strayed from every one of the five Cs:
Courage; Charity; Conscience; Courtesy; Character.
I am withdrawing all financial and other contributions to Castilleja School until I see an apology to the entire Castilleja community over this debacle, and clear evidence that the school has returned to its core values. All eyes are on you to make up for this terrible chapter in Castilleja's history.
With great sadness,
Eliza K. Jewett
Class of 1992
Every day for the four years that I was a student at Castilleja I walked by the mural in the Administration Building that spelled out the Five C's. On a lovely background of gold leaf with California Poppy and the "Indian Paintbrush" from which the school takes its name, are spelled out the words that are forever associated with my alma mater: Conscience. Courtesy. Character. Courage. Charity.
Five words. Just like that. Plain and simple, or are they? On the one hand they are; on the other hand, when challenged, one has to stop and think, what do those five little words mean? And do I really have to abide by them? Aren't they a little archaic, a tad bit arcane? Aren't they a little out of touch with today's modern, high tech world? And don't they apply to students and faculty and administrators alike?
I have come to think of the Five C's as the equivalent of our country's Constitution. Two hundred plus years later, the words of our founding fathers still ring true. We are still bound by them; they are the standard by which our conduct is measured and by which we must all abide. So it is with Castilleja's Five C's.
Plain and simple.
In the opinion of some of us, the school appears to have lost sight of the true meaning of those five words. It appears to have moved outside of those bounds that quite simply and clearly state who and what we are. It appears as though, in its haste to move into the 21st century, to keep abreast, if not ahead of that rapidly changing curve, that Castilleja has lost its moral compass.
I think its time for a check up. I think its time for us to slow down, to sit down, to talk openly and honestly about the very heart and soul of this once great school that has educated girls for over a hundred years. Sure, change with the times; keep up with today and plan for tomorrow. But never, ever, lose sight of our roots. Never, ever abandon the practice and meaning of:
Conscience
Courtesy
Character
Courage
Charity
Honor Spitz, '62
Distinguished Alumna 2000
Dear Members of the Castilleja School Board of Trustees:
On November 12th, I wrote to you in the wake of Mr. Capron's disappearance from the Castilleja campus. To date, I have not received any acknowledgment of receipt of this letter, and I know of many other letters written by members of the community which have not been acknowledged.
I have now received the mass-email from Ms. Lonergan indicating that Mr. Capron will not be returning to the Castilleja classroom because of pedagogical differences the administration had with him.
I understand that the Castilleja faculty serves at the pleasure of the Head of School, and that Ms. Lonergan has the authority to hire and fire as she wishes.
I do not understand how a gradual reassessing of the School's creative direction could precipitate the abrupt and disruptive firing of a teacher in the middle of the school term. Again, I must ask: What is the character of a school that treats its employees and students this way?
Now, I must also ask: What is the character of a Board of Trustees that does not acknowledge concerned responses from the community?
In my opinion, a grave error has been made in firing Bear Capron. An equally serious error has been made in the manner in which this firing was handled. The Board of Trustees' inability to acknowledge the receipt of letters from its community members is extremely bad form.
All of these actions need to be reviewed; these practices questioned and reassessed. As stated in my first letter, I expect a public apology by the administration and the Board of Trustees about the way Mr. Capron and the community have been treated. It is obvious to everyone who knows Mr. Capron that he did not "decide" to abruptly leave the campus mid-term while directing the fall play. He was expelled from the school from one day to the next, as if he had committed some egregious crime. Even if there were gradual reassessments in process, this would not be the appropriate way to finalize an agreement. For this, Mr. Capron and the students and faculty deserve an apology. I now expect an apology to be extended to those you ignored when we wrote openly and forthrightly to you asking for the Board to review the situation and communicate with the community in an open and forthright manner as well.
I no longer believe that Castilleja School is a fine educational institution that honors excellent teaching, promotes independent thinking, and abides by the principles of conscience, courtesy, character, courage and charity. Until I learn of substantive changes in the attitude and practices of the Board of Trustees and the administration, I will not be recommending the school to families I know. Sadly, I imagine that you don't even care.
Sincerely,
Sharmon J. Hilfinger
Parent of Paz Hilfinger-Pardo '04
and Sol Hilfinger-Pardo '07
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